she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
