well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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