I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i think my tv is drunk
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
