just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
