sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
