We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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