We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
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when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize