Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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