I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
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First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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