I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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