The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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