You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
