Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
