Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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