FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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