i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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