smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
