So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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