i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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