I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
