Your tits are I can't wait for
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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