Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
