update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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