She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
