My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
