I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
