My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
