My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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