I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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