we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
