god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
