FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
