Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
