tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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