I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
