I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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