she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
