Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you're hired as official boob wrangler
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
