Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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