I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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