at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
