we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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