I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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