tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
