I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize