We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
