If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
