I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
did i just pee glitter
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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