we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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