his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
