I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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