Tell her she can't have a vagina
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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