lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
