why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
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The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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