How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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