Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize