Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
