if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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