I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
