I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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