I cockslap morals
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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