I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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