I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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