The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
