I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
