so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
