Sry I called you an 8
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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