that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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