This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
