Nicole vs. Life
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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