I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
