Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My vagina just clenched in fear
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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