I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
