She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
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Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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