mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
