i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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