Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
