dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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