Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
