Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
