The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
