I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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