i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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