You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
