So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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