when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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